All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
