Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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