my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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