I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
