Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
