I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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