Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
