I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
