I don't think brook has ever known best
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
