Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
