google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
