Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
