When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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