i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
