Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
