Slut skills are useful in every country.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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