Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have aggressive nipples.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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