Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
