remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
