; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
barbara walters just said penis...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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