One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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