well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel great
I just peed on a car
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I currently don't understand fingers.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
