he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
