dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
