Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You made out with two different species that night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
