Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
