Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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