its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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