Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
