My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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