I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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