I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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