I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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