Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
