it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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