We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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