I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
