ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
