we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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