Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
