Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
