then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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