we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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