I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
