Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
