It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
