Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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