I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
