The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's always time for handjobs
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
