dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
